Robin Williams.. the art of depression

We are all sadden by the death of fantastic actor/comedian Robin Williams.  In light of his fight with depression and suicide.  I have decided to post a project i did many years ago.  This was a project for the Journal Project and was done over a nine month period.  making a quilt a month.  I used this to chronicle my battle with bipolar. More pieces from this project by other artists can be found in the book  Journal Quilt Project by Karey Patterson Bresenhan.

January:  My friends say that I'm in a bit of a funk.  And they're right.  I'm in a depressed, walk in front of a moving bus sort of funk.  It's amazing how rational suicide sounds when you are depressed.  How just sleeping and never having to deal with the pain you are felling is all you can think about.  Lucky for me, there is a little tired voice that tells me I must go on.

February:  I found a photo of a friend that died of cancer.  The photo seemed to be a premonition of what was to come,  two friends, diagnosed with cancer .  So my depressed mind is filled with anger,  anger at the world we live in,  anger at the chemicals we poison ourselves with . Anger at the polluted air and water.  There seems to be a pain in my head its most likely cancer.

March:  this image called out to me this month.  I have the need to find some sort of peace within myself.  I've spend a great deal of the past few months thinking about death.  Maybe it calls to me at this time to take a moment and find some spiritual peace that I've been lacking.  I started collecting crosses.  I'm not sure why.

May:  I work up tired today.  I stayed that way the entire month.  Life is wearing me thin.  I don't feel that glimmer in my eyes, that strength in my soul.  Some days the depression is so hard to take, sometimes the shear mental fatigue is too much to bear.  No matter how many hours i sleep at night, the mornings bring the same thing.  I work up tired today. 




June:  The heat continues, the depression continues, the tiredness continues.  I find it hard to believe that after 6 months of being depressed, i cant get out of it.  I can't clear my head.  I  look in the mirror and the image staring back at me is getting more pale, more tired, more haggard.  I now find no relief in sleeping.  the nightmares are too painful to take.  to close to home.  I would rather spend my nights awake, then have to face my fears in my sleep. 





July:  I'm finally seeing the light through the forest.  But with it, also comes the drain of energy and the drain of creative thought.  although my days are filled with a carefree freedoms from the grip of depression , the nights are tired.  It is very hard to walk up the stairs to my studio to work.  Very hard to find the drive to keep the work pouring out of me.  It is time for a rest.  time to just let myself enjoy the time where my brain refuses to work.  This is not always a bad thing, with my head in shut down mode, the thoughts of despair and death are also in hibernation.

August:  My creative side is drawing a blank.  the last few months have really taken a toll on my soul, on my creative spirit. I sit here staring at a blank canvas.  I think i will just lay here a while and take a little rest. 

September:  As depression lifts, I cycle up to a manic state.  Sleep is irregular, thoughts are erratic, fears are irrational.  I can't even walk into a store without having a panic attack.  I'm trapped inside my own home, i'm trapped inside my own head. 







I'm bipolar.  Ive been living with this for 30 years.  I function fine during the day and most of my friends and family are totally unaware of the internal fight.  I sew at night.  The frustrations and the emotions that i can not let out during the day, come out at night.  for me this project was therapy.  a way to reach inside and scoop it all out before it came out at times i didn't want it to.  I do recommend that people with this condition please talk to someone and make sure you have a way to get your emotions out.  Take medications if it is the way to go for you.  As someone who does not like to take medication on a regular basis for this, it is a very hard struggle and one that many people may not be able to handle.  I have seen too many friends lose this battle over the years. 

More items for sale

More items for sale.  please contact me by email to purchase any items.  lonewolf@roadrunner.com

$15 each Photo 1

$25 each Photo 2

$20 each photo 3

$15 each photo 4

$15 each photo 5

$15.00 each photo 6

$25.00  each photo 7

$20.  each  photo 8

More items for sale..

FOR SALE

I have a few quilts that i am putting up for sale tonight.  If you are interested in any, please let me know.  Some i hate to part with, but due to financial issues, I have to let them go. 

20 x 24.5 inches.  hand painted, machine quilted.  cloth and newsprint.  $45.00

17 x 19 inches. hand painted, machine quilted.  fabrics and paint.  $35.00

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16 x 26 inches.  machine and hand quilted.  knitted cloth, burlap and beads.  $40.00

12 x 12 inches hand and machine quilted.  cloth, beads, fimo hands and face, yarn.  $30.00

9 x 13 inches.  machine quilted and machine felted.  yarn, cloth and beads.  $20.00

12 x 16.5 inches.  machine quilted.  hand dyed fabrics.  $ 25.00

15 x 28 inches.  machine quilted.  machine embroidery.  $75.00

21 x 24 inches.  machine quilted.  hand painted.  $75.00

24 x 24 inches  hand quilted.  computer printed fabrics.  $50.00

24 x 27 inches machine quilted.  $75.00

24 x 39 inches.  machine quilted.  newsprint and fabrics, hand dyed fabrics.  hand painted.  $60.00

26 x 34 inches.  machine quilted.  $125.00

If you are interested in purchasing any .. please email me at lonewolf@roadrunner.com 
shipping fees will be added to prices. 

magic mushrooms

As the winter keeps a hold on New England, I get to spend my time working on quilts.  I have finally finished a large piece (4' x 4').  This was a commission piece. I almost hate to let it go.  I did manage to make two smaller pieces and a my first pattern from this.  I'm very excited about this.  I have several other patterns in the works at this time. Pattern will be available directly.  If you are interested in purchasing the pattern, please send me an email.  lonewolf@roadrunner.com.  I'm excited about the new quilts on my studio table.  So look for more patterns to be out soon.

Published

The new issue of Art Quilting Studio comes out today.  I am excited to announce that I have an article in this issue!  Four pages, full color.. looks fabulous!  Now i need to figure out what my next quilt/article/book will be!  Looking forward to 2014!

Drawing again

I seem to move from medium to medium... Some days, I can't do anything but sew, some days it is drawing that captures my attention.  I started doing these fast sketches at night.  They are all done in pen and i add some pencil in later.  I have mentioned before that i like to draw in pen.  I had read a book years ago that mentioned that some people would erase and erase their drawing to get it "perfect" and in the process loose some of the spontaneity and get themselves stuck always making things perfect.  One option to get yourself to move on.. was to use pen.  no erasing.  Just the option to work with what you did..

I really like that.  Makes it easier to just sit and draw.. I not creating masterpieces here.. just an exercise for my brain to keep moving ahead to keep creating. 

The Wolf

16 years ago i made my first art quilt.. and my first wolf.  This piece was hand appliqued and hand quilted.  I have been tempted over the years to re-quilt it. 

Recently I have had the opportunity to work on another wolf quilt.  The BART Charter school named their Cross Country team the Wolf Pack.  So I decided that they needed a banner for their team.

  

I had so much fun making this banner that i decided to make another piece for their fundraiser auction.  this little piece is 15 inches by 13 inches. 

 

I do have two more wolf quilts planned, it's nice to take a break from the dark side and do something a bit lighter.